How to say sorry
I am not talking about accidents where you have no intentions to cause a minor incident. In those cases, a simple apology can resolve as there is no malice and little harm done. Now, what happens if you had done an action that has greatly affected others. Or an action has been repeated more than once.
I can safely tell you that a quick sorry will not change anyone's mind. I also need to point out that 'eating crow when it is still warm". An apology given too late is going to create a worse impression. But a quick apology will not sooth any hurt (in most western culture. It is different in Japan). It is also important to make a sincere apology instead of making it general or even direct it away from one (aka the non-apology). For those people who are not keeping up with the scandals in the US, a non-apology is an apology that tries to direct the blame to others (I was provoked ....) or exclude the offended party (I apologize for my statements that have affected my family, my colleagues (conveniently leaving out the slighted party).). See this link for more examples.
Now if you are apologising just to head off the unhappiness/anger of the offended parties, this article is not for you. If you are serious about making amends, continue reading. First, let the person vent. It is your responsibility to take the heat. If you are getting your publicist or spokesperson take the heat, it will affect the opinions adversely. I need to point out that some people will take the chance to add comments to the incidents. (Some will be justified, some will be a waste of time.)
Once the outburst is over, you must be ready to speak the truth about the matter. Acknowledge your role in the incident. This is hard as most people will feel compelled to defend themselves. Then explain your actions. At this point, it is still not the point to start shifting the blame. It is reasonable to say that you are retaliating if it was true. Avoid bringing up historical reasons or diminishing your responsibility. If you want to shift the blame, you are should just make a statement to clear matters up.
This is the part where sorry is the hardest word. You need to express remorse sincerely. Do not throw out phrases like "deeply regret" or "mistake were made". I also need to point out that if you were punished for your actions, raising your own past or present suffering is not acceptable. If you had thrown up excuses earlier, it is going to be difficult for anyone to believe that you will not repeat the action.
After your speech, you will need to repair the damage that you have done. You may need to personally meet with your victims and seek their understanding(for the secular) or forgiveness (for the religious). The last part is going to tough as nothing you do can fully heal the hurt.
"Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness...is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." Helen Keller
I can safely tell you that a quick sorry will not change anyone's mind. I also need to point out that 'eating crow when it is still warm". An apology given too late is going to create a worse impression. But a quick apology will not sooth any hurt (in most western culture. It is different in Japan). It is also important to make a sincere apology instead of making it general or even direct it away from one (aka the non-apology). For those people who are not keeping up with the scandals in the US, a non-apology is an apology that tries to direct the blame to others (I was provoked ....) or exclude the offended party (I apologize for my statements that have affected my family, my colleagues (conveniently leaving out the slighted party).). See this link for more examples.
Now if you are apologising just to head off the unhappiness/anger of the offended parties, this article is not for you. If you are serious about making amends, continue reading. First, let the person vent. It is your responsibility to take the heat. If you are getting your publicist or spokesperson take the heat, it will affect the opinions adversely. I need to point out that some people will take the chance to add comments to the incidents. (Some will be justified, some will be a waste of time.)
Once the outburst is over, you must be ready to speak the truth about the matter. Acknowledge your role in the incident. This is hard as most people will feel compelled to defend themselves. Then explain your actions. At this point, it is still not the point to start shifting the blame. It is reasonable to say that you are retaliating if it was true. Avoid bringing up historical reasons or diminishing your responsibility. If you want to shift the blame, you are should just make a statement to clear matters up.
This is the part where sorry is the hardest word. You need to express remorse sincerely. Do not throw out phrases like "deeply regret" or "mistake were made". I also need to point out that if you were punished for your actions, raising your own past or present suffering is not acceptable. If you had thrown up excuses earlier, it is going to be difficult for anyone to believe that you will not repeat the action.
After your speech, you will need to repair the damage that you have done. You may need to personally meet with your victims and seek their understanding(for the secular) or forgiveness (for the religious). The last part is going to tough as nothing you do can fully heal the hurt.
"Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness...is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." Helen Keller
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